But, no one wants to read that I need to get a steady job, clean the floors, wash our whites, and find where that odor is coming from...seriously, what IS that?
So, in honor of getting stuff done, and the fact that a fall crisp has settled in the air, I present to you...
Fall 2012 To-Do List
- Start a fire...preferably somewhere outside
- Jump in a pile of leaves
- Bob for apples
- Inhale that that sweet smell of dead leaves and damp earth
- Inadvertently scare the shit out of a loved one
- Bake a pie...then eat the pie
- Fart under the covers, then dutch oven the person sleeping next to you
- Drink cider...no, mulled wine. Drink both
- Wield an axe like a pro
- Buy food from a food truck
- When protesters are in your neighborhood, indiscreetly join them and hold a sign that says, "I hate puppies!" on the back it says, "But what I really hate is kittens!"
- Go apple pickin'
- Go pumpkin pickin'
- Go pick stuff
- Give that bum who dumpster dives in your alley some decent food already...but just leave it there with a note...after all, last time you took out the garbage, he did scream obscenities at you.
- Try to pet a bunny
- Go for a brisk run in the nude
- Stay at a bed and breakfast for the weekend
- Go camping
- Moon an innocent bystander
Coincidentally, I did manage to actually kill a bird the other day...actually, I was trying to save it. It was just lying there, kind of flapping around. I tried putting it upright, but it fell over. I looked up what to do because I didn't want to just leave it there. So I put it in a shoebox and put it in the closet. (which is what this bird conservatory page told me to do)
Thirty minutes later, a guy from their rescue team showed up at my door. I handed him the box. He peeked inside and said, "Thrush."
I said, "Come again?"
He told me that's what kind of bird it was...then he said, "Oh, that's dead."
I got really sad and said, "Whaaaaat?" Then, he peeked again, and said, "Oh wait! He's still breathing. He just might make it."
I told him to let me know if the bird survived. Needless to say, I didn't hear back.