38 weeks, a happy 4th, and Dad's 75th

kisses/ he was mad because I kept sticking the flag in his face/ my pregnant belly beats your beer belly/ Happy 4th of July!/ George said, "It looks like the driveway is going poop!"/ coal miner/ cheese!/ hop on Papa/ he was being a wizard/ a firework heart/ the best finale/ you give him a sparkler and either he runs with it or he "gets" bugs with it/ hey Dad/ Happy 75th!

Last year, on the 4th of July, we were in Paris...it was lovely, but I wanted to see me some fireworks this year. Jon preferred to set them off, which was really fun, too. I'm grateful for so many things, but I am especially grateful that we could celebrate Dad's 75th birthday. Those gluten-free, dairy-free cupcakes are the best I've ever tasted. 

I'm also grateful you didn't leave those candles on his plate...Dad would've eaten them, for sure. He was eying my wrapper after I finished my cupcake...

36 weeks

...and I celebrated one year married to my sweet wonderful husband by attending an all-day birth class.

If you want to go into early labor, go for a boat ride with a 4-year-old steering the boat.

I can do a mean whale impression. Ask my husband. He thinks it's hilarious.

My ankles are no more...they have officially become cankles.

In a sitting position, I can balance any drink on my belly...yes, even a wine glass filled with sparkling grape juice.

I am so very tired. I am sleeping any time I can get comfortable. Heartburn is the issue. Baby is squishing all my organs. I feel so very fortunate that I am not working while being so pregnant.

I tested the sphincter theory...it's real, people and I am going to moo like a cow when in labor. Feels good.

Happy Birthday, sister.

Let me start off by saying that I love this photo of you. You were so cute with your curly hair. I've been wondering lately if our little one will have curly hair, too...I hope so. Dad wrote on the back of this photo, too, "Melissa '77". But in a lot of them, he referred to you as "Missy", your endearing nickname.

When I walked into Dad's room late one night, when we thought he may not live through the night, I crouched down beside him and he said, "Missy?" and swatted at my hair and gave a startled, "Ah!"...I couldn't help but laugh, but I hope he calls you by this name again before he leaves this world.

It's a shame that because of our prior religion, you grew up not celebrating the day you were born. (I celebrated my first when I was eight) Even if no presents are given, no cake is had, it's nice to simply be acknowledged and feel special for a day...especially for a child. Paganism, my ass.

So, today, a couple days later, I celebrate you, my dear sister, who taught me so much. Growing up, I would love to sit and watch as you did your homework. I would admire your penmanship and get so upset that I couldn't write as well as you. I was maybe five, at the time. You were so patient with me and would write out letters for me to trace and I loved you for it.

You cut my hair for me, you dressed me (sometimes in your clothes), you loved me like I was your own...you made me feel special everyday. You said the day I was born, our parents gave you the greatest gift...a little sister, but you were my gift, too. I became the woman I am today because of you. I don't know where I'd be without you.

Happy Birthday, Missy.



more letters to baby

This photo was actually taken 4 weeks ago, but I never did post a 30 week update.

I am confined to our bedroom because I don't feel like going outside in the rain and the rest of our house is a demolition zone (literally...walls down, flooring to be pulled up, a layer of drywall settled over everything...don't even get me started. I may start sobbing), so I thought I'd share the latest letters to baby.



Friday, March 8, 2013

Caterpillar,


I had my 20 week check-up today. Daddy came with…he was so excited to see you. It was early in the morning. A different nurse gave me the ultrasound.

You were not so photogenic this time around. You kept covering your hands over your face. Then, you would turn completely over with your butt facing us. I guess you’re not a morning person, much like your mama.

It took awhile. The nurse was pushing rather hard on mama’s belly…not so comfortable. They checked all your organs and any visible birth defects. When she looked at your privates, she told me and Daddy to look away.

My placenta had moved to the top of my uterus already! I was so happy to see that. Everything looks perfect. Even you…how could you not?


Love,

Mama


Friday, March 22, 2013

My Darling Caterpillar,


I keep having dreams that you are a boy. As long as you are healthy, that’s all that really matters to us.

Your daddy has been traveling more for work. I can’t sleep when he isn’t here. I miss him. I think I am going to get a body pillow and tape a picture of his face to it and record him while he snores, so that I can feel comforted at night. Just kidding…but not really.

When Daddy was reading to your cousin this past Saturday, you were kicking up a storm. I think you recognize his voice now, which is pretty cool. Either that or you felt Mama’s sadness. Your grandpa collapsed that day… it was a rough day. Goodbyes are never easy for ones we love…especially when you think it will be the last time you see that person.


Love,

Mama



Friday, May 10, 2013

My Little Caterpillar,


We have been busy bees these past couple months. We bought our very first home and have been filling it with new furniture! Very exciting! Unfortunately, we haven’t done much to your nursery yet. We have a chair, and a wardrobe (there is no closet), and that’s pretty much it.

The very first thing Daddy and I got for your room was a trio of hot air balloons, which we intend on hanging from the ceiling. Daddy kept joking that he was going to buy hot air balloon bedding and a nightlight and everything will be hot air balloons. He said this because he knows how much I dislike themed rooms. He loves to tease your mama.

We went to my first appointment today with the midwives. We met Mary, one of the midwives and liked her a lot. She examined me and said everything looks great! You even moved your head down. She said, “What a smart baby! Already knows what to do.”

We love you so much and can’t believe that in just ten more weeks, we will be holding you in our arms.


Love,

Mama



Thursday, June 06, 2013

Little One,


I am 34 weeks as of today, and you are moving around so much that sometimes it feels as if you are moving me around. Lately, you like to stick a foot (or a knee? I can’t tell which) under Mama’s right rib bone. I rub my belly and sing “SMILE” when you move around a lot…although, I think it only makes you move even more.

The midwives told me that I am anemic, so I have been taking a liquid iron supplement twice a day everyday for the past couple weeks and will continue to do so because it makes Mama feel like she has more energy.

On Memorial Day weekend, Gram and Daddy’s sisters threw me a baby shower. It was a good day. You are a very lucky baby…so loved. Your grandma visited for a couple days, too. It was nice to spend time with her. I miss her.

Daddy and I will be celebrating 10 years together tomorrow. I am so thankful for every moment spent with him. Relationships will always have their ups and downs, my darling…oh, but love? When it’s not just those butterflies you get in your stomach ( I did get those, at first, with your daddy) but something much deeper, almost tangible…that is the best kind. And I just know that when I see your little face, I will feel a special kind of love that is only reserved for mamas.


Love,

Mama

a baby shower

What do you get when you add some onesies, lanterns, mason jars, a photobooth, a floral crown, a piñata, a rocking horse (from Germany!), macarons, baby blankets galore, good food, and good people?

...the most magical baby shower a gal could ask for.

And even though this happened Memorial Day weekend, I am and will be forever grateful for everything that went into it. So thank you to Aunt Christy, Aunt Erin, and Gram for throwing it. And Aunt Sue...I loved my floral crown. It made me feel special. I wish I could wear one everyday. Little Caterpillar thanks you all, too. What a lucky baby to be surrounded by such love. I apologize for crying so much...some of the words and gifts were just so beautiful that my heart may have exploded.

And thank you, dear sister, for taking some photographs to capture it all. And thank you, Tanya, for taking a few, as well! And Paula, well, she picked up my camera to capture the day (thank you for that)...but she has her very own camera and you can find her work HERE.

I am looking forward to just us getting together, my sister, to hold a special blessingway for little one. I was there when your sweet son, folded ears and all, came into this world, and I can only hope you can be there when little Caterpillar makes his/her debut. I have a feeling that debut may be sooner than later...

The Second Birth Story

OK, sister, I can take a hint.  I am glad that your friends liked my first birth story.  I love birth stories, too.  And, I can't wait for yours!  But, I will (wait)!  Love you.  Enjoy!

When I was pregnant with my second son, I saw the same midwife for all my prenatal care.  And, one day (after I told her I was quitting my job to stay at home), she asked me if I had any friends with babies.  Ummm...I said, I have one friend who is adopting a baby from Ethiopia and another who is planning a surrogate birth.  She said, "I know someone who gets together with other moms and kids for playdates and such, would you be interested in meeting her?  I can give her your phone number, if you like."  I said, "Sure!"

That was the best thing she could have done for my prenatal care.  The "someone" (my now very good friend) called me right away and left a message (and, I couldn't call her back for a couple of months because it was around that time that my dad had a stroke and I was overwhelmed with his care).  When I took the time to call, she still remembered me and invited pregnant me and my first son to their playdate.  I am so grateful that they liked me as much as I liked them!  Phew.

They even threw me a blessingway (an American Indian tradition that was super-special in every way).  They prepared me so much better for my second homebirth (the first one did not turn out at home!). 

And, so, I went into labor on Mother's Day...  We called our midwife and told her, "Happy Mother's Day! and, when can you come?"  She and her daughter (her assistant) came in the evening.  My sister came at some point that night to stay with my oldest (he was up very late, watching videos and checking on me all the time...very concerned).  I told him I was going to be just fine.  I had my candle lit (and, I felt the strength of all my friends combined).  I had my bracelet that my friends (and sister) created with all the beads that held special meanings (and secret powers.  kidding.  just kidding).  I felt able.  I felt capable.  I felt ready.  My midwife and her daughter were taking turns napping (had that much time gone by?)

I was calm; but, I had a lot of back pain again; so, my husband and my midwife were trying to make me comfortable with massage.  I was mostly on all fours.

Soon after my son went to sleep, I felt the "transition" and it was getting much harder to be comfortable anywhere.  I asked to go in the bed first.  Nope, not quite.  Very uncomfortable.  Very intense.

I asked if I could try getting into the bath.  As soon as I got into the bath, I told my now very tired husband (who probably could have used some coffee) that "it was time".  He was confused.  I told him to call Bernice (my midwife).  lol (but, not at the time), he was still confused.  I yelled, "Bernice!"  She came right away and after a few pushes, she and Helio delivered my second son in our bathtub.  He was sleeping when he came out and his ears were folded down (I said, "oh, his ears, I folded his ears").  He stole my (now triple) heart and never gave it back.  Love grows.  And, grows.  And grows.  I love my beautiful family.  And, I adored this birth.  Makes me want to do it again...

28 weeks...a week ago.

...and this is my belly compared to a 3 ft. balloon. Little Caterpillar should be weighing in at 2 1/2 lbs and is about half the length of that balloon.

Swimming is perhaps the most wonderful, liberating thing a pregnant woman can do. You feel weightless. You feel at peace...and then you step out of the water and it feels like you have cement blocks tied to your legs.

Again...people are so kind. I told Jon that I should be pregnant more often, if only for this single reason.

I've been trying to avoid buying maternity clothes. I love me some new clothes...but I'd like to be able to wear them when I'm NOT pregnant. My favorite maternity lines thus far are Topshop and Gap (for the essentials, such as jeans and tees)

I went with Jon to Milwaukee this week. It was really nice to be able to have dinner with him and spend a little time together. On Monday night, he took me to a gastropub in the third ward, Hinterland...it was so so good. It felt as if I was eating inside of a Restoration Hardware. Everything was very clean and grand and simple and beautiful, including the food.

I didn't venture far from the hotel. I read. (Bringing Up Bébé is brilliant, by the way) I swam. I watched HGTV. We don't have cable, so it's kind of a treat. And most importantly, I spent my nights with my husband.

I did walk around town on Tuesday...probably a good 4 miles, but I got blisters all over my feet. It was 80 degrees and I was wearing leather loafers...that's when I realized I was maybe due for a new pair of sneakers...ones that weren't my running shoes. So, I got these lovelies and they are super comfy! If they weren't so darned expensive, I would get them in more colors.

I really enjoyed my time in Milwaukee, but I am so happy to be home. Chicago is and always will be home to me.