26 weeks

...and it is extremely difficult to balance on one foot. (in heels, no less)

My latest craving? Greek yogurt with sliced bananas and peanut butter granola.

I love chocolate. I always have. It gives me heartburn, but I eat it anyway. It's worth it.

I am ALL belly. Strangers think I am much further along than I am.

Pregnant women get free stuff.
"Can I pay for these croissants?"
"Oh, just take them, dear. Don't worry about."

Little Caterpillar loves to kick Mama when she is trying to sleep. I miss sleep. I miss it so. On my belly. On my back. I miss consistent sleep.

I really don't mind that friends and family want to touch my belly...really. I am completely cool with that. It's the strangers that get to me.



Jon and I visited some good friends in Indy over the weekend. Their dog is in the top photos. Maggie...what a sweet girl. Coincidentally, our friend, Bobby, wanted to feel the baby move because he has never felt a baby move inside a belly before. However, it seemed like Caterpillar slept all weekend because I didn't feel much movement...until we went to sleep, of course. Jon would put his hand on my belly and little one would kick his hand every 10 seconds or so.

We also went to Louisville for a very special little girl's first communion. Gram made us angel and dinosaur pancakes when we arrived Sunday morning.

It was so great to spend the weekend with friends and family that we don't see too often. I wouldn't want to make the trip again anytime soon, mainly because of the comfort in travel and the having to stop and use the restroom every hour situation. But for quality time and memories made, it's worth it.

Spring Mix



Spring has sprung!

With all this rain we've been having, I noticed more little buds coming out of the ground in our front yard. The ones you suspected were daffodils, are, in fact, daffodils. I was secretly hoping they were tulips...like the ones which line Michigan Ave in the springtime. Remember that beautiful, fun day last year when we were shopping for the wedding? Time flies.

So, on this rainy afternoon, I encourage you to kick up your feet, or kick off your shoes and relax or dance a little. Relish this fleeting time between winter and summer...where the damp air smells of new life. The birds are singing. The ambulances wailing...where I live, at least. And the tunes are playing.





i think we will be very happy here.

It already feels like home yet we've only been here a week. We love our new neighborhood. We love our new home.

Jon and I were both feeling nostalgic about leaving our first apartment where we shared so many great memories...the spot between the dining room and the living room where he proposed...the moment we found out I was pregnant...the view of the clocktower from our porch where we spent so many nights just sitting and talking. I may have cried an entire day. Jon only got a little teary eyed for a moment.

A great friend cheered me up by telling me that I have so much to look forward to and will create so many more memories in our new home. And she's right. This is the first place where we will bring little Caterpillar home from the hospital. This is where we will become parents.

There's no doubt. I think we will be very happy here.

Birth Story

Beautiful sister, love looks good on you!  Thank you for your sweet words.

I know how much love grows--stronger, bigger, more patient, more kind, more thoughtful, more enveloping in every way.  I have experienced this in tiny little moments and in overwhelming ones.

Two of the most overwhelming moments I have felt intense (but, calm and amazing) love were on the days my sons came into this world.

With my first son, I did not know anything, really.  I read books; but, I did not have any good friends to help me at that time.  We need that.  We need good girlfriends for support, love and perspective.  I am grateful to have them now.  I want that for you, too, dear sister.  Not just your good friends that are close to your heart (you have wonderful friends!); but, you need friends that are also close to your house (to get some kind words for every moment that you think you are going crazy, to "escape" with a cup of coffee or tea, to look at that "weird thing" on your beautiful baby...for your sanity).  Again, I did not have that for my first birth.

Before we got pregnant, I sought out a doctor that could deliver my baby at home.  I found a doctor in Ottawa that knew the doctor that delivered all of us at home (apparently, Dr. Gregory White was a little famous and his wife started La Leche League International--I did not know this before).  So, she was interested in helping me but, referred me to a wonderful certified nurse midwife when we did get pregnant.

I went to my midwife for all my prenatal care, up until the week before I was due (when she had gone out of town because she assumed I would be late, like many first-time mothers, even though I told her I thought my due date may have been off).  I saw my regular doctor that week on Tuesday; and, she told me to "take it easy or I would have the baby before my midwife returned".  So, I called my office and told them I had to stay at home, doctors orders (I was very fortunate to have a wonderful boss).  That night, I did not sleep because I had a lot of what I thought were "practice contractions".  Ugh.

Wednesday morning, we weren't sure if my husband should go in to work because we did not want him to miss a day with the baby because we did not know.  Did I mention he worked 65 miles away?  Second Ugh.

All day, I continued to labor, mostly on my elbows (because I was being told over the phone by my midwife that my back labor was strong because my baby needed to turn around).  Eek!

I remember crawling downstairs to get some leftovers to eat for lunch (pretty sure it was steak).  Then, I still felt hungry and I remember crawling downstairs again to get some chocolate ice cream (yum!).  I could not believe that this could get any worse.  It could not possibly be "practice" labor!  Third Ugh.

Then, our cordless phone died and I did not have a cell phone.  Fourth Ugh.  I had to crawl to the other room to put it back on the only base we had.

I remember my husband calling and I had to crawl back to the base and get the phone.  I crawled back to my bedroom, dragging the phone while talking to my husband.  I hung up and crawled back onto the bed with all my pillows.  Then at about 5:00, "WHOOOOSH!"  Or, that is what it seemed like.  It honestly seemed like I laid back on the bed and I was overtaken by a tidal wave.  But, it was just my water breaking.  Thank goodness I had that phone.  I called my husband back and told him and he took it from there.  He called the midwife, my doctor and 911.  He had left piles of money on his desk (from the restaurant) and sped home (literally driving on the shoulder during rush hour).

I had to get cleaned up for the ambulance (arrived in 3 minutes).  I don't know why I bothered.  They stripped me down to be ready to deliver anyway.  I actually threw a couple of things in a bag (um.  hospital bag?  We weren't supposed to need one...we were supposed to be at home).  They sped me off to the hospital.

On the way, the EMT told me that if I felt the urge to push, they had to pull over.  Then, he told me this would be his third one.  I said, "today?".  He said, "No," in his career.  I held my baby inside.

They took me straight to the delivery room.  It seemed like a blur.  I hated the monitors.  I hated being on my back.  The thing they put around my stomach hurt.  I am pretty sure I pooped (sorry).  My doctor was doing her best to give us the environment I would have had at home...but, hospital regulations prevail (apparently, so does chaos).

My husband was on the phone on his way and they said, "If I breathe through the next few contractions, I should be able to wait for dad."  Ummm.  That is so not possible.  You HAVE to push.  Seriously.  They call it an "urge" for a reason!  I had to push; but, our son wanted to wait for his dad.  About a minute (it seemed) after my husband arrived and I told him I was so glad he was there, my son was placed on my belly looking for me with his big, brown eyes.  I was smitten.  Still am.  The cord was cut, the blanket was wrapped.  I was covered.

The doctor took over then.  She got everyone out, turned off the bright lights and left us alone with our firstborn son for the first hour of his life.  Then, hospital regulations took over again until we got him home on Friday.

I wouldn't change a thing.

I love my family more every day.  It is so true, dear sister.  Love grows.

I will make time to share my other son's birth story soon.  Here is just a snippet, http://www.greenmommusings.blogspot.com/2009/05/at-our-home-early-in-morning-on-monday.html
I love you.

22 weeks

....and I miss beer. And wine. And alcohol, in general.

My boobs are the size of large melons and cannot be contained by any bra I own.

I can cry at any any given moment.

I crave burgers ALL THE TIME. Fruit, too. Pineapple, strawberries, grapes...gimme.

My nails are growing at record speed.

Little Caterpillar is now swimming laps in my uterus.

I didn't think I could love my husband any more than I do, but I feel like our love has grown exponentially since I became pregnant.

Love grows...this was the motto for your wedding, my sister. This is the truth. How lucky are we? You will be celebrating 10 years married to your sweet husband this September, you gave birth to two of the coolest boys I have ever met, and you care for our dad in the best way possible.

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

20 weeks

I am no longer at that weird "Is she pregnant or just kind of fat?" stage. I definitely look pregnant and am enjoying the all the perks which come with it. You were, right, Missy!

People are generally nicer to pregnant women. They give up their seats for you. They are quicker to offer help in any given circumstance. They are excited for you and it gives strangers an excuse to converse with you. (which I hate to admit I don't always like, but I'm trying) This outright kindness based purely on the fact that I'm carrying another human being inside of me is something I am not used to...but I like it and I could.

I only wish we could be this kind to anyone and everyone. Although pregnancy is not always easy, it's essential not to ignore the needs of others. Especially our partners.

I bought Jon a book, Yes, You're Pregnant, but What About Me? by Kevin Nealon. I only read the first 30 or so pages and it's hilarious. I also bought him The Expectant Father, which gives good advice, but Jon thinks the author is "kind of douchebag". However, he did highlight some pages in the book and was especially interested in investing in baby's future.

He is trying to be as involved as possible. I feel so lucky. I feel so blessed.

And now, the latest letters to baby...

Wednesday, February 20, 2013

Caterpillar,


It’s been a couple weeks now since the doctor moved my uterus. You did great and they say you are healthy, which was such a relief to me and your daddy.

When I went in for my post-op checkup, the nurse told me she had never seen such a beautiful baby. She said you were so photogenic. I was a little freaked out when you turned your head toward the ultrasound because your eyes looked about as big as your head, but the nurse laughed and assured me those were your entire eye sockets and not to worry.

On Valentines Day, I had a regular checkup with my doctor. She was so happy to see me feeling better. Her only concern was that my placenta is very low in my uterus, but again, they are hoping that it moves up as my uterus grows. I’m hoping that happens, too because I want to avoid a c-section. After all, the high-risk doctor told me that I have a nice wide pelvic bone, so I’d like for you to slide nicely through that. (When the high-risk doc first mentioned my wide hips, I said, “Well this whole labor and delivery should be a cakewalk, then.” The doctor laughed… I’m assuming because he agreed.)

I can feel you move more and more each day. You are a very active baby, my darling. At first, it was just a fluttering feeling, like my little caterpillar was becoming a little butterfly, but your movements now feel like you are doing somersaults in mama’s belly. I feel your kicks. I feel those pokes, and although it is not always comfortable, it makes me happy.

When I stand for any length of time, the blood pools in my legs, which make them hurt and I become dizzy, but I am going to pick up some special “socks” to wear so this isn’t such an issue.

We’re almost half-way there, little-one! We are so excited to meet you.


Love,

Mama



Saturday, March 2, 2013


My Sweet Caterpillar,


We visited your Gram and Papa today because Daddy and Papa have started to brew beer together, and they had some ale and pilsner which was ready to be bottled. Daddy dreams of someday doing this full-time.

Whenever I feel your movements and Daddy is around, he puts his hand to my belly and you immediately stop. But today, he finally felt you move. It was a special moment for him. It was a special moment for me, too.


Love,

Mama

Caterpillar

On November 11, 2012, I peed on a stick. This little stick gave me some news that would forever change my life.

Before my first doctor's appointment, I barely knew how babies were made, much less the actual gestational period. Um...like the fact that you're pregnant for 40 weeks, not nine months, people. Who came up with this nine month business? Alright, perhaps you think me dumb, so I'll take you back.


I was incredibly immature when I went on a field trip with my fifth grade class to the Robert Crown Center to learn about the birds and the bees. Let's just say, I said the word, "penis" a little too much and I was kicked out, never to learn how babies were made. (note: I also got kicked out of the library around this time when my friggin' vice principal showed the class how she checks her blood sugar and gave herself insulin...I was like, "I don't want to see that shit.") Needless to say, I know there's a sperm and an egg involved. They get together somehow...and bam! baby. So, I get the gist.

Fast forward to peeing on that little stick...a day or two before that, I was brushing my teeth. I then proceeded to throw up in the sink. I didn't think anything of it until Jon said, "Maybe you're pregnant?" I told him he was crazy. He insisted on getting me a test. I took the test on Veteran's Day. It was positive. I took another test. That one was inconclusive. I was out of tests.

I told Jon that the stick told me I was pregnant. He was happy and excited while I was a number of emotions. Shocked. Happy. Nervous. Worried. I mean, I like sushi and I drank like a fish that whole week before when we were on vacation. In fact, I may have been drinking a beer at that very moment...

When the thought of being pregnant finally sunk in, I researched doctors and made an appointment to confirm my pregnancy. Words couldn't even begin to express the joy I felt when I heard that little baby's heartbeat. I decided that day that I would document my pregnancy by writing letters to the little one.

Monday, December 03, 2012


Dear Baby,

You became so much more real to me today. I had my first doctor’s appointment since we found out I was pregnant with you. (Nov. 11) All the nurses wished me “Happy Birthday!” because when I was born, the doctor wrote the wrong date on my birth certificate. (my birthday is tomorrow) I will make sure the doctor doesn’t make the same mistake with you.

It was 70 degrees and very windy today. I saw you for the first time. You were already moving around, which seemed to surprise the doctor. You don’t look like much now, but when I heard your heartbeat, I was so overcome with emotion that I began to cry. You are real…my little life. You are my baby and I love you already.

Coincidentally, the world found out today that the Duchess of Cambridge is pregnant, too. She is in the hospital because of severe morning sickness. I am very nauseous, but luckily, I am able to keep food down, and so far, am able to function fairly normally. It has not been too fun these past two weeks because of the nausea, but I am so thankful for your daddy. He has been very understanding and accommodating.

I can’t wait to see you again at 20 weeks!

Love,

Mama



Wednesday, Jan. 2, 2013

My Little Caterpillar,

Daddy so affectionately referred to you as “our little caterpillar” in a birthday card he gave me. For Christmas, I gave him a classic, The Very Hungry Caterpillar. He cried. (he rarely does) It made me cry, too. We can’t wait to meet you, little one.

I woke up at 3am this morning, vomiting. When the vomiting continued, I knew it wasn’t just morning sickness. Then, when Daddy woke up, he began vomiting, too. We both have body aches and other tell-tale signs of the flu. Today was not a fun day.

We laid in bed all day, making urgent trips to the bathroom, and worried about you. I couldn’t keep down water. By the end of the day, I think I only drank a glass or two of water, a couple crackers, some Emergen-C (for the electrolytes), and a can of lemon-lime soda.

I am at about 12 weeks today. People keep telling me the nausea will go away soon. I hope so. I really, really hope so.

Love,

Mama



Monday, January 14, 2013

Caterpillar,


Daddy came with to my doctor’s appointment today. He was so anxious to see you. There was no need for an ultrasound, but the doctor saw how much he wanted to see you that she decided I “needed” one.

When he saw you on the screen, he smiled from ear to ear, looked at me, and kissed my hand and gave it a good squeeze. I cried again. I don’t know if that will ever go away. You had gotten so big! You look like a little baby now…a little baby with a big head.


Love,

Mama



Thursday, January 24, 2013


Caterpillar,

On Sunday, I was in a lot of pain. I called the doctor and the on-call doc told me it sounded like a urinary tract infection and to drink a lot of water and cranberry juice. So I did.

The next day, I went in to the doctor and gave them a urine sample. The nurse prescribed me antibiotics, which I immediately began taking. When the pain and discomfort didn’t go away, I called the doc again. I went in and my regular doctor wasn’t there, but when the new doc saw me, she seemed to immediately know that something was wrong. She told me I looked like I was about 22 weeks pregnant. (I am about 15 weeks)

She felt my tummy and told me that my bladder was extremely full. The nurse had asked me for a urine sample, but I could only squeeze out a few drops. The doctor drained 2000ccs (2 liters!) of urine from my bladder and I felt so much relief. She told me that I have a retroverted uterus and that you were blocking my urethra. I asked if there was anything she could do, but she told me that in her 15 years of being a doctor, she had only ever seen one other case like mine and that when you grow, you should move up and out of that little pocket.

I then asked the doc to check on you to make sure you were ok. When I heard your heartbeat, I felt relieved. Daddy was with me and held my hand through it all.

The doctor wanted me to spend the night in the hospital so they could monitor me, but I wanted to stay at home with Daddy. The doc was nice enough to call a urologist and I went to their office and a nice nurse named Maggie showed me how to self-catheterize. She drained 650ccs more from me and only an hour had passed since the first catheterization. (A normal “void” is about 100-300ccs)

I’m hoping and praying and doing special exercises so that you move up. I love you, little one.


Love,

Mama



Friday, February 01, 2013


Caterpillar,


I’m going to the hospital today. The high-risk doctor is going to manually push my uterus up, so there will be no problems in the future and so you will have plenty of room to move around. I have what is called an incarcerated uterus.

Please don’t be scared, little one. I will be with you. Daddy will be with you, too. We will always be there for you.

We have all our friends and family praying for you. They want to meet you just as much as we do. We love you so much.


Love,

Mama