To my baby boy

As I was stuffing you into your size 3 months (didn't know they were too small) pajamas tonight (and you were already too tired for me to change you), I feel like you grew overnight.  And, I love your chunkiness.  You and your brothers have always LOOKED like little peanuts; BUT, when people hold you, they often say something like, "Oh, he's solid".  Yes, you are HEAVY!  LOL.

I love, love, love your feet.  They are like my father's...the toes anyway.  You have the chunkiest feet among your brothers.  They are perfect.

I realized when I was consoling you for the third time tonight that tomorrow, you will be four months old!

I so enjoy being your mom.  It is so different, every time.

I can't figure out if you rub your head because it itches (your newborn hair is falling out and little boy hair is growing in) or if you just like the way it feels.  OR, if you are developing the same mannerism my dad had, to swipe his hair up and to the side (right on his swirl cowlick, like you have).

If you catch someone's eye, you almost always smile your sweet smile.  I love your beautiful little snore.  I love that ever since you were born you nurse with big gulps.

This has been a season.  I haven't written much lately.  Haven't known what to write.  But, tonight...tonight I was inspired.

I love that you came into this world at this time.  Everything feels new to me...but, at the same time, I have a little bit of experience at raising boys (ha!).  I also miss my dad less because you are here.

I wish that you had met him.  I wish that I hadn't let my fears get in the way of my heart's desire for him to meet you.  I pray that I can show you what a wonderful father he was.

I was feeling sad today.  Your grandpa died just over two months ago.  But, through the sadness came memories and...peace.  Oh, my son, may you know peace...and joy. 

We have been celebrating the advent season this year.  It is a wonderful feeling.  Oh, my son, may you know Jesus.  I have a feeling you already do.

Dearest God in Heaven, thank you for these boys, this life.  Amen.