Beautiful sister, love looks good on you! Thank you for your sweet words.
I know how much love grows--stronger, bigger, more patient, more kind, more thoughtful, more enveloping in every way. I have experienced this in tiny little moments and in overwhelming ones.
Two of the most overwhelming moments I have felt intense (but, calm and amazing) love were on the days my sons came into this world.
With my first son, I did not know anything, really. I read books; but, I did not have any good friends to help me at that time. We need that. We need good girlfriends for support, love and perspective. I am grateful to have them now. I want that for you, too, dear sister. Not just your good friends that are close to your heart (you have wonderful friends!); but, you need friends that are also close to your house (to get some kind words for every moment that you think you are going crazy, to "escape" with a cup of coffee or tea, to look at that "weird thing" on your beautiful baby...for your sanity). Again, I did not have that for my first birth.
Before we got pregnant, I sought out a doctor that could deliver my baby at home. I found a doctor in Ottawa that knew the doctor that delivered all of us at home (apparently, Dr. Gregory White was a little famous and his wife started La Leche League International--I did not know this before). So, she was interested in helping me but, referred me to a wonderful certified nurse midwife when we did get pregnant.
I went to my midwife for all my prenatal care, up until the week before I was due (when she had gone out of town because she assumed I would be late, like many first-time mothers, even though I told her I thought my due date may have been off). I saw my regular doctor that week on Tuesday; and, she told me to "take it easy or I would have the baby before my midwife returned". So, I called my office and told them I had to stay at home, doctors orders (I was very fortunate to have a wonderful boss). That night, I did not sleep because I had a lot of what I thought were "practice contractions". Ugh.
Wednesday morning, we weren't sure if my husband should go in to work because we did not want him to miss a day with the baby because we did not know. Did I mention he worked 65 miles away? Second Ugh.
All day, I continued to labor, mostly on my elbows (because I was being told over the phone by my midwife that my back labor was strong because my baby needed to turn around). Eek!
I remember crawling downstairs to get some leftovers to eat for lunch (pretty sure it was steak). Then, I still felt hungry and I remember crawling downstairs again to get some chocolate ice cream (yum!). I could not believe that this could get any worse. It could not possibly be "practice" labor! Third Ugh.
Then, our cordless phone died and I did not have a cell phone. Fourth Ugh. I had to crawl to the other room to put it back on the only base we had.
I remember my husband calling and I had to crawl back to the base and get the phone. I crawled back to my bedroom, dragging the phone while talking to my husband. I hung up and crawled back onto the bed with all my pillows. Then at about 5:00, "WHOOOOSH!" Or, that is what it seemed like. It honestly seemed like I laid back on the bed and I was overtaken by a tidal wave. But, it was just my water breaking. Thank goodness I had that phone. I called my husband back and told him and he took it from there. He called the midwife, my doctor and 911. He had left piles of money on his desk (from the restaurant) and sped home (literally driving on the shoulder during rush hour).
I had to get cleaned up for the ambulance (arrived in 3 minutes). I don't know why I bothered. They stripped me down to be ready to deliver anyway. I actually threw a couple of things in a bag (um. hospital bag? We weren't supposed to need one...we were supposed to be at home). They sped me off to the hospital.
On the way, the EMT told me that if I felt the urge to push, they had to pull over. Then, he told me this would be his third one. I said, "today?". He said, "No," in his career. I held my baby inside.
They took me straight to the delivery room. It seemed like a blur. I hated the monitors. I hated being on my back. The thing they put around my stomach hurt. I am pretty sure I pooped (sorry). My doctor was doing her best to give us the environment I would have had at home...but, hospital regulations prevail (apparently, so does chaos).
My husband was on the phone on his way and they said, "If I breathe through the next few contractions, I should be able to wait for dad." Ummm. That is so not possible. You HAVE to push. Seriously. They call it an "urge" for a reason! I had to push; but, our son wanted to wait for his dad. About a minute (it seemed) after my husband arrived and I told him I was so glad he was there, my son was placed on my belly looking for me with his big, brown eyes. I was smitten. Still am. The cord was cut, the blanket was wrapped. I was covered.
The doctor took over then. She got everyone out, turned off the bright lights and left us alone with our firstborn son for the first hour of his life. Then, hospital regulations took over again until we got him home on Friday.
I wouldn't change a thing.
I love my family more every day. It is so true, dear sister. Love grows.
I will make time to share my other son's birth story soon. Here is just a snippet, http://www.greenmommusings.blogspot.com/2009/05/at-our-home-early-in-morning-on-monday.html
I love you.
Monday, March 18, 2013
Sunday, March 17, 2013
22 weeks
....and I miss beer. And wine. And alcohol, in general.
My boobs are the size of large melons and cannot be contained by any bra I own.
I can cry at any any given moment.
I crave burgers ALL THE TIME. Fruit, too. Pineapple, strawberries, grapes...gimme.
My nails are growing at record speed.
Little Caterpillar is now swimming laps in my uterus.
I didn't think I could love my husband any more than I do, but I feel like our love has grown exponentially since I became pregnant.
Love grows...this was the motto for your wedding, my sister. This is the truth. How lucky are we? You will be celebrating 10 years married to your sweet husband this September, you gave birth to two of the coolest boys I have ever met, and you care for our dad in the best way possible.
Happy St. Patrick's Day!
Monday, March 4, 2013
20 weeks
I am no longer at that weird "Is she pregnant or just kind of fat?" stage. I definitely look pregnant and am enjoying the all the perks which come with it. You were, right, Missy!
People are generally nicer to pregnant women. They give up their seats for you. They are quicker to offer help in any given circumstance. They are excited for you and it gives strangers an excuse to converse with you. (which I hate to admit I don't always like, but I'm trying) This outright kindness based purely on the fact that I'm carrying another human being inside of me is something I am not used to...but I like it and I could.
I only wish we could be this kind to anyone and everyone. Although pregnancy is not always easy, it's essential not to ignore the needs of others. Especially our partners.
I bought Jon a book, Yes, You're Pregnant, but What About Me? by Kevin Nealon. I only read the first 30 or so pages and it's hilarious. I also bought him The Expectant Father, which gives good advice, but Jon thinks the author is "kind of douchebag". However, he did highlight some pages in the book and was especially interested in investing in baby's future.
He is trying to be as involved as possible. I feel so lucky. I feel so blessed.
And now, the latest letters to baby...
Wednesday, February 20, 2013
Caterpillar,
It’s been a couple weeks now since the doctor moved my uterus. You did great and they say you are healthy, which was such a relief to me and your daddy.
When I went in for my post-op checkup, the nurse told me she had never seen such a beautiful baby. She said you were so photogenic. I was a little freaked out when you turned your head toward the ultrasound because your eyes looked about as big as your head, but the nurse laughed and assured me those were your entire eye sockets and not to worry.
On Valentines Day, I had a regular checkup with my doctor. She was so happy to see me feeling better. Her only concern was that my placenta is very low in my uterus, but again, they are hoping that it moves up as my uterus grows. I’m hoping that happens, too because I want to avoid a c-section. After all, the high-risk doctor told me that I have a nice wide pelvic bone, so I’d like for you to slide nicely through that. (When the high-risk doc first mentioned my wide hips, I said, “Well this whole labor and delivery should be a cakewalk, then.” The doctor laughed… I’m assuming because he agreed.)
I can feel you move more and more each day. You are a very active baby, my darling. At first, it was just a fluttering feeling, like my little caterpillar was becoming a little butterfly, but your movements now feel like you are doing somersaults in mama’s belly. I feel your kicks. I feel those pokes, and although it is not always comfortable, it makes me happy.
When I stand for any length of time, the blood pools in my legs, which make them hurt and I become dizzy, but I am going to pick up some special “socks” to wear so this isn’t such an issue.
We’re almost half-way there, little-one! We are so excited to meet you.
Love,
Mama
Saturday, March 2, 2013
My Sweet Caterpillar,
We visited your Gram and Papa today because Daddy and Papa have started to brew beer together, and they had some ale and pilsner which was ready to be bottled. Daddy dreams of someday doing this full-time.
Whenever I feel your movements and Daddy is around, he puts his hand to my belly and you immediately stop. But today, he finally felt you move. It was a special moment for him. It was a special moment for me, too.
Love,
Mama
Wednesday, February 6, 2013
Caterpillar
On November 11, 2012, I peed on a stick. This little stick gave me some news that would forever change my life.
Before my first doctor's appointment, I barely knew how babies were made, much less the actual gestational period. Um...like the fact that you're pregnant for 40 weeks, not nine months, people. Who came up with this nine month business? Alright, perhaps you think me dumb, so I'll take you back.
I was incredibly immature when I went on a field trip with my fifth grade class to the Robert Crown Center to learn about the birds and the bees. Let's just say, I said the word, "penis" a little too much and I was kicked out, never to learn how babies were made. (note: I also got kicked out of the library around this time when my friggin' vice principal showed the class how she checks her blood sugar and gave herself insulin...I was like, "I don't want to see that shit.") Needless to say, I know there's a sperm and an egg involved. They get together somehow...and bam! baby. So, I get the gist.
Fast forward to peeing on that little stick...a day or two before that, I was brushing my teeth. I then proceeded to throw up in the sink. I didn't think anything of it until Jon said, "Maybe you're pregnant?" I told him he was crazy. He insisted on getting me a test. I took the test on Veteran's Day. It was positive. I took another test. That one was inconclusive. I was out of tests.
I told Jon that the stick told me I was pregnant. He was happy and excited while I was a number of emotions. Shocked. Happy. Nervous. Worried. I mean, I like sushi and I drank like a fish that whole week before when we were on vacation. In fact, I may have been drinking a beer at that very moment...
When the thought of being pregnant finally sunk in, I researched doctors and made an appointment to confirm my pregnancy. Words couldn't even begin to express the joy I felt when I heard that little baby's heartbeat. I decided that day that I would document my pregnancy by writing letters to the little one.
Monday, December 03, 2012
Dear Baby,
You became so much more real to me today. I had my first doctor’s appointment since we found out I was pregnant with you. (Nov. 11) All the nurses wished me “Happy Birthday!” because when I was born, the doctor wrote the wrong date on my birth certificate. (my birthday is tomorrow) I will make sure the doctor doesn’t make the same mistake with you.
It was 70 degrees and very windy today. I saw you for the first time. You were already moving around, which seemed to surprise the doctor. You don’t look like much now, but when I heard your heartbeat, I was so overcome with emotion that I began to cry. You are real…my little life. You are my baby and I love you already.
Coincidentally, the world found out today that the Duchess of Cambridge is pregnant, too. She is in the hospital because of severe morning sickness. I am very nauseous, but luckily, I am able to keep food down, and so far, am able to function fairly normally. It has not been too fun these past two weeks because of the nausea, but I am so thankful for your daddy. He has been very understanding and accommodating.
I can’t wait to see you again at 20 weeks!
Love,
Mama
Wednesday, Jan. 2, 2013
My Little Caterpillar,
Daddy so affectionately referred to you as “our little caterpillar” in a birthday card he gave me. For Christmas, I gave him a classic, The Very Hungry Caterpillar. He cried. (he rarely does) It made me cry, too. We can’t wait to meet you, little one.
I woke up at 3am this morning, vomiting. When the vomiting continued, I knew it wasn’t just morning sickness. Then, when Daddy woke up, he began vomiting, too. We both have body aches and other tell-tale signs of the flu. Today was not a fun day.
We laid in bed all day, making urgent trips to the bathroom, and worried about you. I couldn’t keep down water. By the end of the day, I think I only drank a glass or two of water, a couple crackers, some Emergen-C (for the electrolytes), and a can of lemon-lime soda.
I am at about 12 weeks today. People keep telling me the nausea will go away soon. I hope so. I really, really hope so.
Love,
Mama
Monday, January 14, 2013
Caterpillar,
Daddy came with to my doctor’s appointment today. He was so anxious to see you. There was no need for an ultrasound, but the doctor saw how much he wanted to see you that she decided I “needed” one.
When he saw you on the screen, he smiled from ear to ear, looked at me, and kissed my hand and gave it a good squeeze. I cried again. I don’t know if that will ever go away. You had gotten so big! You look like a little baby now…a little baby with a big head.
Love,
Mama
Thursday, January 24, 2013
Caterpillar,
On Sunday, I was in a lot of pain. I called the doctor and the on-call doc told me it sounded like a urinary tract infection and to drink a lot of water and cranberry juice. So I did.
The next day, I went in to the doctor and gave them a urine sample. The nurse prescribed me antibiotics, which I immediately began taking. When the pain and discomfort didn’t go away, I called the doc again. I went in and my regular doctor wasn’t there, but when the new doc saw me, she seemed to immediately know that something was wrong. She told me I looked like I was about 22 weeks pregnant. (I am about 15 weeks)
She felt my tummy and told me that my bladder was extremely full. The nurse had asked me for a urine sample, but I could only squeeze out a few drops. The doctor drained 2000ccs (2 liters!) of urine from my bladder and I felt so much relief. She told me that I have a retroverted uterus and that you were blocking my urethra. I asked if there was anything she could do, but she told me that in her 15 years of being a doctor, she had only ever seen one other case like mine and that when you grow, you should move up and out of that little pocket.
I then asked the doc to check on you to make sure you were ok. When I heard your heartbeat, I felt relieved. Daddy was with me and held my hand through it all.
The doctor wanted me to spend the night in the hospital so they could monitor me, but I wanted to stay at home with Daddy. The doc was nice enough to call a urologist and I went to their office and a nice nurse named Maggie showed me how to self-catheterize. She drained 650ccs more from me and only an hour had passed since the first catheterization. (A normal “void” is about 100-300ccs)
I’m hoping and praying and doing special exercises so that you move up. I love you, little one.
Love,
Mama
Friday, February 01, 2013
Caterpillar,
I’m going to the hospital today. The high-risk doctor is going to manually push my uterus up, so there will be no problems in the future and so you will have plenty of room to move around. I have what is called an incarcerated uterus.
Please don’t be scared, little one. I will be with you. Daddy will be with you, too. We will always be there for you.
We have all our friends and family praying for you. They want to meet you just as much as we do. We love you so much.
Love,
Mama
Before my first doctor's appointment, I barely knew how babies were made, much less the actual gestational period. Um...like the fact that you're pregnant for 40 weeks, not nine months, people. Who came up with this nine month business? Alright, perhaps you think me dumb, so I'll take you back.
I was incredibly immature when I went on a field trip with my fifth grade class to the Robert Crown Center to learn about the birds and the bees. Let's just say, I said the word, "penis" a little too much and I was kicked out, never to learn how babies were made. (note: I also got kicked out of the library around this time when my friggin' vice principal showed the class how she checks her blood sugar and gave herself insulin...I was like, "I don't want to see that shit.") Needless to say, I know there's a sperm and an egg involved. They get together somehow...and bam! baby. So, I get the gist.
Fast forward to peeing on that little stick...a day or two before that, I was brushing my teeth. I then proceeded to throw up in the sink. I didn't think anything of it until Jon said, "Maybe you're pregnant?" I told him he was crazy. He insisted on getting me a test. I took the test on Veteran's Day. It was positive. I took another test. That one was inconclusive. I was out of tests.
I told Jon that the stick told me I was pregnant. He was happy and excited while I was a number of emotions. Shocked. Happy. Nervous. Worried. I mean, I like sushi and I drank like a fish that whole week before when we were on vacation. In fact, I may have been drinking a beer at that very moment...
When the thought of being pregnant finally sunk in, I researched doctors and made an appointment to confirm my pregnancy. Words couldn't even begin to express the joy I felt when I heard that little baby's heartbeat. I decided that day that I would document my pregnancy by writing letters to the little one.
Monday, December 03, 2012
Dear Baby,
You became so much more real to me today. I had my first doctor’s appointment since we found out I was pregnant with you. (Nov. 11) All the nurses wished me “Happy Birthday!” because when I was born, the doctor wrote the wrong date on my birth certificate. (my birthday is tomorrow) I will make sure the doctor doesn’t make the same mistake with you.
It was 70 degrees and very windy today. I saw you for the first time. You were already moving around, which seemed to surprise the doctor. You don’t look like much now, but when I heard your heartbeat, I was so overcome with emotion that I began to cry. You are real…my little life. You are my baby and I love you already.
Coincidentally, the world found out today that the Duchess of Cambridge is pregnant, too. She is in the hospital because of severe morning sickness. I am very nauseous, but luckily, I am able to keep food down, and so far, am able to function fairly normally. It has not been too fun these past two weeks because of the nausea, but I am so thankful for your daddy. He has been very understanding and accommodating.
I can’t wait to see you again at 20 weeks!
Love,
Mama
Wednesday, Jan. 2, 2013
My Little Caterpillar,
Daddy so affectionately referred to you as “our little caterpillar” in a birthday card he gave me. For Christmas, I gave him a classic, The Very Hungry Caterpillar. He cried. (he rarely does) It made me cry, too. We can’t wait to meet you, little one.
I woke up at 3am this morning, vomiting. When the vomiting continued, I knew it wasn’t just morning sickness. Then, when Daddy woke up, he began vomiting, too. We both have body aches and other tell-tale signs of the flu. Today was not a fun day.
We laid in bed all day, making urgent trips to the bathroom, and worried about you. I couldn’t keep down water. By the end of the day, I think I only drank a glass or two of water, a couple crackers, some Emergen-C (for the electrolytes), and a can of lemon-lime soda.
I am at about 12 weeks today. People keep telling me the nausea will go away soon. I hope so. I really, really hope so.
Love,
Mama
Monday, January 14, 2013
Caterpillar,
Daddy came with to my doctor’s appointment today. He was so anxious to see you. There was no need for an ultrasound, but the doctor saw how much he wanted to see you that she decided I “needed” one.
When he saw you on the screen, he smiled from ear to ear, looked at me, and kissed my hand and gave it a good squeeze. I cried again. I don’t know if that will ever go away. You had gotten so big! You look like a little baby now…a little baby with a big head.
Love,
Mama
Thursday, January 24, 2013
Caterpillar,
On Sunday, I was in a lot of pain. I called the doctor and the on-call doc told me it sounded like a urinary tract infection and to drink a lot of water and cranberry juice. So I did.
The next day, I went in to the doctor and gave them a urine sample. The nurse prescribed me antibiotics, which I immediately began taking. When the pain and discomfort didn’t go away, I called the doc again. I went in and my regular doctor wasn’t there, but when the new doc saw me, she seemed to immediately know that something was wrong. She told me I looked like I was about 22 weeks pregnant. (I am about 15 weeks)
She felt my tummy and told me that my bladder was extremely full. The nurse had asked me for a urine sample, but I could only squeeze out a few drops. The doctor drained 2000ccs (2 liters!) of urine from my bladder and I felt so much relief. She told me that I have a retroverted uterus and that you were blocking my urethra. I asked if there was anything she could do, but she told me that in her 15 years of being a doctor, she had only ever seen one other case like mine and that when you grow, you should move up and out of that little pocket.
I then asked the doc to check on you to make sure you were ok. When I heard your heartbeat, I felt relieved. Daddy was with me and held my hand through it all.
The doctor wanted me to spend the night in the hospital so they could monitor me, but I wanted to stay at home with Daddy. The doc was nice enough to call a urologist and I went to their office and a nice nurse named Maggie showed me how to self-catheterize. She drained 650ccs more from me and only an hour had passed since the first catheterization. (A normal “void” is about 100-300ccs)
I’m hoping and praying and doing special exercises so that you move up. I love you, little one.
Love,
Mama
Friday, February 01, 2013
Caterpillar,
I’m going to the hospital today. The high-risk doctor is going to manually push my uterus up, so there will be no problems in the future and so you will have plenty of room to move around. I have what is called an incarcerated uterus.
Please don’t be scared, little one. I will be with you. Daddy will be with you, too. We will always be there for you.
We have all our friends and family praying for you. They want to meet you just as much as we do. We love you so much.
Love,
Mama
Monday, January 14, 2013
"Profiter"
"Profiter" in French means to make the most of each day, to revel in the beautiful moments of our lives. The word has absolutely nothing to do with money.
I learned this word from the book you recommended, dear sister, "Bringing Up Bebe" by Pamela Druckerman. I love the way she has written this book about the differences in raising her children in France (Paris, no less).
I have often tried to convince my husband that we should experience the European culture, generally leaning toward the Italian countryside. I would love to live in Europe for one year with my family--at least! As I am almost finished reading this book, I want to live there even more so. If I forgot to mention it, I am still envious that you got to go to Europe for your honeymoon!
Eating fresh food is really important to me. Eating food that is grown close to home. Paying the grower or producer directly feels better than paying someone who pays someone who pays someone...catch my drift? It helps us get to know our community better, too.
Taking things slowly is also really important to me. Enjoying the process. Taking time to relax and rejuvenate. I believe these things (eating fresh food, taking time away and "profiter") are prioritized in other cultures.
The new book I started in my book club actually, coincidentally, ties into these goals also. It is called, "The Good and Beautiful God," by James Bryan Smith. One of the first chapter's goals is to teach you to get enough sleep (there is much more to it than that; but, that really is one of the goals!).
Let's give new meaning to making "profiter"!
I learned this word from the book you recommended, dear sister, "Bringing Up Bebe" by Pamela Druckerman. I love the way she has written this book about the differences in raising her children in France (Paris, no less).
I have often tried to convince my husband that we should experience the European culture, generally leaning toward the Italian countryside. I would love to live in Europe for one year with my family--at least! As I am almost finished reading this book, I want to live there even more so. If I forgot to mention it, I am still envious that you got to go to Europe for your honeymoon!
Eating fresh food is really important to me. Eating food that is grown close to home. Paying the grower or producer directly feels better than paying someone who pays someone who pays someone...catch my drift? It helps us get to know our community better, too.
Taking things slowly is also really important to me. Enjoying the process. Taking time to relax and rejuvenate. I believe these things (eating fresh food, taking time away and "profiter") are prioritized in other cultures.
The new book I started in my book club actually, coincidentally, ties into these goals also. It is called, "The Good and Beautiful God," by James Bryan Smith. One of the first chapter's goals is to teach you to get enough sleep (there is much more to it than that; but, that really is one of the goals!).
Let's give new meaning to making "profiter"!
Monday, January 7, 2013
Holiday Time. Family Time.
a box engraved by Uncle Ray/ fro-baby/ always thinking/ three generations of Sehstedt/ Santa bath bomb!/ bath bomb in tub=glitter mess/ the littlest fairy/ Wa-wa-woo-ha! (she turned me into a rhino)/ business as usual/ discovering which noise maker sends the most spit/ a yellow hat and a red hat, and that kid is set/ planes, hot cocoa, nap on Papa
The holidays have come and gone and I am so grateful for family. I think this year was the first year in a long time that I got to see most of our family. I am looking forward to the time when we can all be together again.
Sunday, December 16, 2012
LooLooLoo...Loo!
Well. We finally decorated our tree. We only put it up a week ago. In this house, we have an agreement. I like white lights. Jon likes colored lights. We alternate every year. This is our compromise. Truth be told, this was my year, but I let him have it.
We listened to music and danced while we decorated the tree. This is the mix I made. Enjoy!
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